Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The Lodge Bringing Me a Sense of Calm

It’s been entirely too long since I updated this blog, I think that is because I was traveling for work, then on vacation. Right when I was getting ready to get back into the swing of things I found out that a member from my National Guard Unit committed suicide while I was out. It was one of those sudden suicides that no one saw coming, no one knew of any personal problems and he seemed to get along very well with everyone. He worked with me on several occasions, and I always came away feeling good. I was distraught because I missed his service, something that is meaningful for me, that when a service member dies, the more people that show up in uniform where he touched their life, the bigger impact and show of support you give his family.

On Tuesday I was a frustrated mess at work, dealing with the questions and the prodding when my co-workers found out what happened, suicides are so frustrating, you really can’t put it into words. So @ 1645 I ran out going to lodge, half a mind to just go home, I figured that it had been a month since I last stepped inside my lodge and realized that I owed it to my brothers to show up (the DDGM was coming). When I drove up in the parking lot and entered the old building a sense of calm just washed over me. It wasn’t comforting or a relief per say, just a sense of calmness with everything. I met with Brother Garland and did some esoteric work in the 3rd degree. Attended the business meeting and then listened to the message from the Grand Master of Texas, Donny Broughton (which I will share in a later post), after the meeting we did some more work, and I came home not necessarily feeling better about life, but calmer, if that makes any sense.

I guess this post has no real point, beyond that the lodge provided something to me last night that I was expecting, cooling my jets and letting me just do my esoteric work. I knew that the questions, grief and frustrations would be waiting for me when I left, but I was there at that moment doing something that was contributing to the brotherhood, and it felt good.

Think I will end this post now, but wanted to get down on electrons, how it made me feel before I forget.

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