Things were getting better, but then the bottom fell out and my wife filed, we were divorced before I knew it and then my mother died. I fell into a depression that I just didn’t want to get out of bed, let alone go face the same people that seem to take such delight in my misery before all of this happen. I didn’t want to read about Freemasonry anymore, I eschewed any symbols, references or ritual. Lying in bed a “brother” texted me and wrote “You know you aren’t the first person to lose their mother”. Thanks, that is what I call brotherly love. I was sick all the time and just was in a funk I never felt before. I honestly would have given up on Freemasonry, if it wasn’t for being in offices and having a strong enough sense of duty to do what I needed to do, to fulfill my obligations.
There is a saying in research “There is nothing dirtier then academic politics, because there is nothing to lose.” The absolute same can be said about Freemasonry, my greatest rival/advisory at work has treated me with more respect and dignity then some Freemasons who call themselves brothers. So now as I have licked my wounds for 8 months, and am starting to come out of my funk, I am trying to understand what role I should play in the future for our fraternity. When I am done with my duties do I just fade away, do I run to the invitational bodies and be one of those guys that doesn’t support the blue lodges?
These are all questions I face right now as I try to figure out how to move forward, all I know is that my Freemasonry is on life support, and only I can choose to pull the plug.